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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:25:27 GMT
DOH - cost 2 stamina -when cast against an opponent, they are automatically knocked over by a magical hand that slaps them on the forehead. this spell cannot be cast unless the caster has the web of a spider-pig. JEL - cost 1 stamina - when cast on any apparently useless object, the opponent will automatically desire it for reasons they cannot readily comprehend. this spell may only be cast in Essex. LOL - cost 1 stamina - when cast on an opponent, a magical message appears in front of them which they will feel is the most hilarious thing they've ever seen, and be compelled to rush off and pass it on repeatedly to anyone they've ever met, to make it look like they originally thought of it. the spell is more damaging to them if they have more friends. BOB - cost 4 stamina - when cast on an opponent, it automatically cuts their limbs off and chucks them in a puddle. PIN - cost 1 stamina - when cast on someone who is asking you something, whether it is in the form of polite conversation or severe interrogation, you will be able to delay them by asking them to provide a totally random password or piece of information before you will give the answer they require. the opponent will then be compelled to try every possible combination of trivial information they can remember in an attempt to proceed, before giving up and going home to see if they wrote it down on the back of something.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:26:04 GMT
MAD - cost 2 Stamina. When cast on an opponent, it guarantees that any combat which occurs between them and the caster will result in the deaths of both combatants. Can be a very effective deterrent, but is bad news for everyone involved if hostilities should break out. MAC - cost 1 Stamina. This spell requires an apple to cast. It makes the caster immune to almost all viruses, but often causes some swelling of the head. JCB - cost 1 Stamina. This spell requires a tub of yellow paint to cast. It creates a hole in the ground. The size of the hole can be determined by the caster, but it must be between 15 and 300 cubic feet. MSG - cost 2 Stamina. This spell enables the caster to deliver a short written note to anyone, anywhere in the world. It does not guarantee that the recipient will notice, read, or in any way respond to the note.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:26:41 GMT
OMG - cost 2 Stamina. When cast on an opponent, they are rendered incapable by being astonished at very ordinary things... The shininess of your weapon. The speed at which it's swinging towards their head... WKD - cost 1 Stamina. Creates one brief, prank-like illusion such as causing a door to look like part of a wall. LIP - cost 1 Stamina. Invaluable when confronted by two opponents, this causes one of them to become so arrogant and annoying that they will fight each other. (I've never read any Sorcery!, just having a go.)
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:27:21 GMT
LSD - cost 2 stamina. When cast, the user will enter a dimension which is between both reality and the spirit world. May cause the user to go on a spiritual 'trip', rendering them completely useless. Requires a magic tab.
HGH - cost 1 stamina. When cast, the user will experience a great deal of muscular growth, allowing them to train harder & lift heavier objects. May have the following side effects: male pattern baldness, acne breakout, and 'roid rage'. Note these effects can effect a male or female adventurer.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:27:41 GMT
MGS - Costs 1 Stamina point. Casting this spell after being spotted by the enemy means if you manage to stay out of their line of vision for a minute, they will forget they even saw you and go about their business as normal. This spell requires the caster to be wearing a bandana. DYB - Costs 2 Stamina points. Casting this spell on an enemy will cause him to have an overwhelming urge to go camping, learn how to whittle wood and hold bake sales. This spell requires the caster have at least 3 badges sewn into his sleeves.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:28:12 GMT
BFG - Cost 6 Stamina. Requires a prop in the shape of a stick, the otherwordly material plastic being the most effective. Guaranteed to annihilate your foe. Or foes. Or friends standing next to you while you destroy said foes. Or all living things as a matter of fact. Most likely, the scenery itself. USB - Cost 2 Stamina. Requires a small key. Allows you to stock up on a large amount of informations, painlessly and effortlessly, recalling it whenever and wherever you need to. You could recall entire tomes of magic that way! Speak in extremes, it will save you time.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:28:41 GMT
EMO - Cost 2 Stamina. The caster must be wearing white make-up. Causes the subject to become convinced of the futility of whatever they are doing. PKD - Cost 2 Stamina. Requires a tuft of wool from an electric sheep. Causes the subject to become uncertain about their identity and the nature of reality.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:29:12 GMT
LMFAO - it's probably the longest spell to remember. Even longer to cast, but the results are fruitful. It causes one to lose their decency, become embarrassed, and run away so you can carry on with your quest. The more beautiful and pure FF is – the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:29:44 GMT
MOB - Costs 4 Stamina points. If a wizard casts this spell in a crowded place, it will cause the crowd to suddenly break into a complex, perfectly synchronised and choreographed dance routine. The wizard requires a YouTube account to get the most out of this spell.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:30:14 GMT
GOK - costs 1 stamina point. when cast on an opponent, they suddenly become overly worried about their clothes, appearance, and overall self-worth in general, and become too distracted to fight because they're convinced that their armour or boots are 'soo last season'. Such opponents can be readily won over with empty praise or misguided flattery, such as commenting on how their gauntlets really bring out their eyes. this spell can only be cast if you have a pretentious haircut and some glasses from Specsavers. IAN - costs 4 stamina points. when cast on any item with an apparently random number etched in it, you can just turn to that reference straight away and continue with your adventure without any pointless delay. this spell can only be cast if you have a carved wooden duck (that's an Eye Of The Dragon reference, in case you didn't know. I merely point that out so you don't have to read it.) BAT - costs 0 stamina points. when cast, an opponent is struck viciously on the forehead with a large cricket bat. to cast the spell, the caster must have a large cricket bat, and stand close enough with the bat held high to deliver a strong downward blow upon the opponents head. come to think of it, this isn't really a spell. But it's still bloody effective.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:30:51 GMT
I don't have anything funny to add here, just wanted to say these are hilarious. Keep them coming!
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:31:34 GMT
BAT - costs 0 stamina points. when cast, an opponent is struck viciously on the forehead with a large cricket bat. to cast the spell, the caster must have a large cricket bat, and stand close enough with the bat held high to deliver a strong downward blow upon the opponents head. come to think of it, this isn't really a spell. But it's still bloody effective. Probably the funniest yet!
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:32:35 GMT
IAN - costs 4 stamina points. when cast on any item with an apparently random number etched in it, you can just turn to that reference straight away and continue with your adventure without any pointless delay. this spell can only be cast if you have a carved wooden duck (that's an Eye Of The Dragon reference, in case you didn't know. I merely point that out so you don't have to read it.) Bizarrely enough, the first Grail Quest book features a carved wooden duck that takes you to another section when used. HAL - costs 2 Stamina points. When cast on a computer, it causes that computer to sing a song and then shut down for the next 9 years. www - costs 1 Stamina point and 1-3 hours of your time. Roll one die to find out its effect. • 1 - You learn something useful. • 2-3 - You are mildly entertained. • 4 - You are overcome by a sense of shock and nausea, and must deduct 1 Skill point for the next half hour. • 5 - You have an overwhelming urge to slam your head against the nearest hard surface. Lose 2 Stamina points. • 6 - You contract a virus. The only cure is to reduce your Stamina to zero and then drink a Potion of Strength.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:33:02 GMT
BRB - costs 3 Stamina. If the caster realises that an item they had a chance to buy or fight for earlier has turned out to be crucial, they can briefly transport themselves back in space and time to the moment of opportunity. This spell requires a bookmark to cast. ZIT - costs 2 Stamina. When cast on an opponent, this spell turns them into a hormonal teenager who probably can't be bothered to attack the caster unless they're carrying alcohol. IMO - costs 3 Stamina. Invaluable for avoiding fights, haggling with merchants and generally getting your way, this spell makes people see things from the caster's point of view.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:33:20 GMT
TXT: cost 1 stamina. Makes everything you say unintelligible to anyone over 25 years of age.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:33:52 GMT
TBH - Never has a spell come which turns its back on you! At first lies get you by every demon sorcerer and minions, til you cast this spell (when you are drunk on absinthe), and think that telling the truth will get you to 400. Wrong! DO NOT MUTTER THIS SPELL, fool! The more beautiful and pure FF is – the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:34:09 GMT
WTF - this is not a good spell to cast because it makes you in awe of everything including squirrels and clouds. The only place to learn this spell is from an old crone in the Moonstone Hills, and why would you want it? It's good to teach to someone you hate. So why not? The more beautiful and pure FF is – the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:34:45 GMT
ONO - costs 2 Stamina. This persuasion spell is invaluable for haggling with merchants to get something you want for less than the stated price. NAB - costs 3 Stamina. Why bother haggling for what you want when you can instantly teleport it into your bag? The merchant probably won't take long to notice though... GUM - costs 1 Stamina. Causes someone chasing you, such as a merchant, to step in something sticky. FIT - costs 2 Stamina. Causes someone to find you attractive. XXX - costs 2 Stamina. If someone finds you attractive, this speeds things along to their natural conclusion. ZZZ - costs 1 Stamina. Useful to quieten down a bedfellow if they just won't stop finding you attractive.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:35:03 GMT
OMD: costs 1 Stamina. Genetically engineers your secret telegraph messages so you're talking loud and clear. If you leave, sailing on the seven seas is your locomotion. Requires a souvenir to cast.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:35:22 GMT
ELO: costs 4 Stamina. This is strange magic. In a showdown with a wild west hero or an evil woman, don't walk away. Hold on tight; here is the news. Out of the blue, a discovery will shine a little love and in the confusion the evil woman will turn to stone, so you'll be a livin' thing. Requires four little diamonds to cast.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 4, 2013 18:35:47 GMT
XTC - costs 2 stamina points. this spell will get your Senses Working Overtime and make you Wake Up feeling Ten Feet Tall, and you could end up either King For A Day or the Mayor Of Simpleton. this spell will only work if you are Making Plans For Nigel. REM - costs 24 stamina points. if you cast this spell, everybody hurts.
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Post by vastariner on Jan 22, 2014 8:10:05 GMT
UHU - like GUM, only German.
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Post by CharlesX on Sept 12, 2021 10:20:50 GMT
VHS - Absolutely useless, but 10 a penny.
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Post by The Count on Sept 12, 2021 20:28:35 GMT
BLT - you need a loyalty card for an overpriced chain shop to cast this, which conjures up a bland, tasteless sandwich oozing congealed grease and rotting mayonnaise. Anyone who easts it loses 6 Stamina.
PLT - Your opponents outfit changes into an unflattering, ill fitting, cheap nasty piece of fabric that can't even be used as a rag for cleaning the toilet with - they flee in embarrassment and you lose 1 Sk and 100D6 brain cells for supporting the vapid.
BTS - lose all credibility to cast, summoning an identikit boy bland you've never heard of that dances enthusiastically while not even bothering to pretend to mime to the vocals. Run away as a horde of screaming fan girls descends and tears apart your enemies.
ADL - Costs 19, 21 or 25 GP. A rotund bird appears and starts shrieking about something that happened 3, 5 or 9 years ago. You get 3, 5 or 9 free hits while your enemies are distracted by the warbling.
POO - Needs a copy of Gates of Death.
BBC - Remove mind from the gutter. Costs all your Gold and any other valuables you have. Then Test your Luck: if Lucky, you get to watch the repeat of that one episode of Faulty Towers they haven't censored yet, regain 4 Stamina. If Unlucky, you catch a smug self righteous lecture disguised as a drama. Reduce your Skill to 1 as you slowly lose the will to live.
ITV - You turn into a 18 year old girl with no taste and become addicted to watching bland banal brainless bimbos bitching and bonking. Your adventuring career - and life as a functioning member of society - is over.
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Post by a moderator on Sept 13, 2021 0:03:11 GMT
NOT - Cast when encountering an unexpected Instant Death, it allows you to return to the previous decision and choose a different option. Requires a bookmark with five fingers to cast. Costs your integrity as a player.
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Post by Peter on Sept 13, 2021 9:01:36 GMT
DVD - a counter-spell to VHS, restores any damage suffered from that spell, with the added advantage that it doesn't deteriorate with repeated casting. Requires a trade-in of all the equipment needed for VHS, plus plenty more gold.
ABS - if the caster is in motion when this spell is cast, they will come to a complete stop, swiftly and safely, even on wet or muddy surfaces.
CIA - enables the caster to secretly access the files of any organisation in the world, without fear of repercussions, even if the spell backfires (which it frequently does). Requires the resources of a large, powerful country to cast.
KGB - like CIA, but less subtle.
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Post by petch on Sept 14, 2021 9:41:03 GMT
WOO - delivers a backhanded slap to the target's chest. Has little effect other than mild reddening of the torso. Overuse may lead to stylin' and profilin'.
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Post by CharlesX on Sept 14, 2021 14:39:11 GMT
KIM - Increases the casters b**t and chest ridiculously, causing them to lose 2d6 skill. Also shrinks their brain to the point they prioritise selfies over their quest.
JKR - Rather like the joke from Monty Python, this sends a message which, once heard, causes people's heads in the vicinity to explode.
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Post by petch on Sept 14, 2021 16:23:25 GMT
ZEE - costs 7 Stamina. This spell requires a full cheerleading troupe, a can of Pepsi and a pair of Mickey Mouse ears to cast. Functions the same as the ZED spell, but improved for American audiences.
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Post by CharlesX on Sept 14, 2021 17:00:31 GMT
WHO - Like the Zed spell, at 7 Stamina points this can take the spellcaster to any point in time, space or different dimensions; but half the time takes the spellcaster to Earth, particularly around the 1960s - 21st century. Can be cast by women as well as men .
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