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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:25:13 GMT
Start from TUFFF... Yes, it's another silly game thread. For this one, you have to alter the titles of FF books by just one letter, and then summarise the plot that goes with the changed title. You can alter a letter:
Ski Lord
Defend yourself against orange blobs with spiked poles. Make death-defying leaps - or repeatedly crash and die because you can't make sense of the rules governing mid-air angles of orientation. Slalom away from dog-headed bobsled riders. Just don't expect to understand what's going on. Ever. Or remove a letter:
Scorpion Swap
You've grown disenchanted with the scorpion brooch you acquired during an adventure in Port Blacksand, and want to see if the Lizardine you bought it from will let you exchange it for a different one. Can you get back into the city without being recognised as Sourbelly's killer, and will your haggling skills suffice to achieve your goal? Or add a letter:
The Shamutanti Chills
A sequel to Stormslayer, in which unseasonal cold weather strikes the region between Analand and Kharé. Can you identify the cause and deal with it before snow ruins the festival of the young in Birritanti? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:26:32 GMT
From TUFFF: Fight Dragon
YOU have gone treasure hunting an accidentally picked a fight with an angry dragon. Now you and your posse must meet behind the mountain with the dragon and his posse to find out how is the roughest and toughest. Who will live and will die when you you fight the dragon? Agehunter
YOU are an elderly person close to kicking the bucket when the personification of DEATH turns up to make you snuff it. Can you run for it to preserve you life and how long you you evade the relentless reach of DEATH? House of Hello
The doorbell rings. It is Avon calling. With their foot in the door can you turn back the tide of unsolicited door-to-door salespeople peddling their wares? Will you drown under a mountain of unwanted products or live to answer the door another day? (328) Despite your best efforts, you find yourself decaying in front of a computer screen. Your adventure ends here. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:27:30 GMT
From TUFFF: Revel Planet
It seemed like a dream come true, transported to a planet made entirely out of your favourite chocolate confection. But soon the true horror dawned on you as you found that every Revel you plucked from the ground was the dreaded COFFEE REVEL. With no other sustenance available can YOU learn to love that most divisive of all Revel flavours? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:30:43 GMT
From TUFFF...
Fight Dragon YOU have gone treasure hunting an accidentally picked a fight with an angry dragon. Now you and your posse must meet behind the mountain with the dragon and his posse to find out how is the roughest and toughest. Who will live and will die when you you fight the dragon?
Agehunter
YOU are an elderly person close to kicking the bucket when the personification of DEATH turns up to make you snuff it. Can you run for it to preserve you life and how long you you evade the relentless reach of DEATH?
House of Hello
The doorbell rings. It is Avon calling. With their foot in the door can you turn back the tide of unsolicited door-to-door salespeople peddling their wares? Will you drown under a mountain of unwanted products or live to answer the door another day? Revel Planet
It seemed like a dream come true, transported to a planet made entirely out of your favourite chocolate confection. But soon the true horror dawned on you as you found that every Revel you plucked from the ground was the dreaded COFFEE REVEL. With no other sustenance available can YOU learn to love that most divisive of all Revel flavours? The best laugh I've had all week  ~ Vae Victis! ~ |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:32:28 GMT
From TUFFF... Doggers of Darkness
Sick to the back teeth of the noisy carpool that collects in your back field every Sunday night, YOU decide to do something about it! Will you succeed in driving these "enthusiasts" from their misadventures, or will YOU succumb to their unholy ways? Two lice, a pencil and a rubber are all you need! YOU decide which way to swing and which risks to take!
Temple of Error
Trapped in a world where connected sections don't match up and fights are impossible to win, where SKILL is meant to mean attack strength and where mapping doesn't work, can YOU rescue yourself by piecing together a readable adventure and self-publishing it, or will you perish in the neveredning loop of the catacombs?
Blocksand!
Direct your friends in exciting desert-only biomes of Minecraft clones! Will they spend forever trapped in the caves, having their ability to mine removed by the host (YOU) or will you hit them with the banhammer for TNTing your Wizard's Tower? Only YOU can decide!
Nights of Doom
In this direct sequel to Doggers of Darkness... Nah, forget it  ~ Vae Victis! ~ |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:34:35 GMT
From TUFFF... Citadel of Chavs An army of chavs have gathered in the Black Tower ready to unleash their ways upon the world. Only one person is needed to show this sub-species the slightest display of superiority to defuse the situation. Will YOU end up driving these bling-wearing shits into the chasms where they belong, or will YOU assume leadership over them, don sportswear and a jaunty-angled helm, and become the Master of Chavs? Stealer of Soups Mordraneth has stolen the recipes of all the best soups from the minds of Allansia’s greatest chefs. In addition, he will destroy all herbs and spices required to make these recipes in 5 days if these chefs do not agree to serve him forever. Can YOU, the Sagehunter, track down the nefarious villain and recover these recipes before all is thrown into panic and chaos? But beware! Mordraneth is ready for you and has sent his own champion, the Spice Assassin, to hinder your progress. Phantoms of Wear Your clothes store is being haunted by a group of evil spirits and customers are now too frightened to enter. Something must be done before you lose all your business. Fortunately you have in stock a number of secret but untested wares to repel the unearthly invaders. Dare you: handle the mighty Towel of Destruction; don the Cowl of the Werewolf; slip on the Rings of Ether; or take your chances with The Crimson Tie? Whatever your choices, make them quick before it is too late. Two Words |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:35:48 GMT
From TUFFF... Chasms of Alice
While pursuing a rabbit in the course of your duties as third assistant rabbit-skinner, you fall down a hole into a strange world populated by bizarre characters. With the assistance of Tabasha the Cheshire Cat, you must survive the Mad Gaddon's tea party and avoid being decapitated by the Queen of Khuddam. Shaves of the Abyss
With Kallamehr threatened by a rampaging beard, you must travel to the Abyss, the strange realm to which all the lost razors of Allansia are drawn, and find the blade of Fangthane steel that can defeat the fearsome facial hair. Vault off the Vampire
Mortvania is hosting this year's extreme sports championship, and the gymnastic equipment has been provided by the Heydrich family. Can you win the silver medal (more useful than gold in this situation), or will you be defeated by such challenges as the parallel bats, Wightlifting, and that strangely coffin-shaped vaulting horse? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:38:31 GMT
From TUFFF... Brilliant! I've been chuckling all through my tea, to the bemusement of wife and children, as I've thought of some more: Speltbreaker
Having just seen Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall make some spelt bread on the telly, you've put a load of spelt flour in your bread machine, only to realise that only the latest machines can handle it, and yours cannot! It malfunctions catastrophically. Can YOU get it fixed or replaced before the wife comes home? Curse of the Tummy
You never thought belly was going to get YOU but you've just realised you can't see your toes without leaning forward. Can you get back your youthful figure, or is it time to give in to middle-aged spread? Caverns of the Snob-witch (also known as Caverns of the Snow-bitch)
There's this right annoying posh bird who has taken up residence in your northerly neighbourhood. Can YOU think of a way to bring her down a peg or two? Masks of Mayhew
An ex-Northern Ireland Conservative Minister reveals that he didn't in fact look like this; it was only a mask! But what was his true identity, and can YOU uncover it before he fools us all again and brings the peace process crashing down? House of Sell
You ring the doorbell, only to be greeted by an aging, mild-mannered artist with a tired smile. "Please leave me alone", he says, "I only did the illustrations as a favour for my old mate Steve". Will YOU push past him to ensure there is no devil worship going on in this seemingly peaceful home? Rebel Planes
Can YOU shoot them down before they attack?! Lemons of the Deep
Vicious lemons have risen from the Abyss. Can YOU save the world from their sour juices? Triad of Champions
This year Carnuss realised that three slaves would be better than one! Midnight Pogue
You've just drifted off to sleep when the door bell rings. You open the door to find a very drunk, toothless musician who wants someone to share his love of the Old Country with. Can YOU get rid of him and get some sleep so that you can make it into work tomorrow? Fault of the Vampire
People keep waking up dead, drained of all their blood. Can YOU work out who is behind it? The clue is in the title! Pagehunter
Can YOU find the solution to the book without playing it a hundred times? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:39:56 GMT
From TUFFF... These are really funny Demons of the Depp In a copyright-busting accident you find yourself falling through a small door in a skyscraper into the mind of film star Johnny Depp. Depp proves to be somewhat disturbed - his mind is awash with heroes and villains from his movies. Can YOU find the gentle Edward Scissorhands? Should you trust the unhinged Willy Wonka? How will you sobre up Raoul Duke for long enough to get him to help? One true path will allow you to defeat the Pirates and find your way home!
Moobrunner Confectioner Karamel Gruul is not so sweet. He creates sweets and chocolates so agonisingly delicious that normal men become helplessly addicted, and forced to propel their fat frames around the streets committing crimes to fuel their habit as tragicomic 'moobrunners'. Can YOU, former moobrunner Jamie Oliver, track down Gruul and beat him to death with some leafy veg?
The Keep of the Lick-Lord Bloodrise Keep has always had a puzzling feature: an internal gate thirty feet high sealed shut with many bolts. Now, foolish meddlers have opened the gate to reveal a terrifying creature, little more than a vast gullet sunk into the island with a vicious mile-long tongue, which now thrashes at the villages below! Armed with sacks of garlic, chilli and perhaps the mighty Gobstopper of Qadarnai, can YOU seal the creature in its prison once more? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:42:56 GMT
From TUFFF... Mouse of Hell: The most evil mouse sorcerer ever to exist was left dead after your last epic battle. But now he has returned from Hell as an evil mouse-ghost sorcerer to wreack havoc on your town! YOU must track down and eliminate him (again), before it is too late. The Forest of Doo: Tired of dog walkers allowing them to foul you local beauty spot, YOU decide to venture into the Forest of Doo! Will you survive against these evil wrong-do(o)ers?, or will you perish in the stinking, festering woods?
Spectral Talkers:
Those ghosts chattering all night are really getting on your wick! YOU decide to do something about it...Who you gonna call?
Spaced Assassin:
After one too many reefers YOU decide to fly up to some mothership somewhere to eliminate some professor dude who is gonna nuke your planet...or something...But first YOU must find the cookies to get rid of the epic munchies, can YOU eat the whole pack? perhaps a glass of milk will help?
Freeway Righter:
Working for the local council YOUR mission is to check the local roads for pot-holes and put them right, will YOU succeed in this epic task? YOU decide which pot-holes to tackle (probably not many) and which ones to avoid (pretty much all of them).
Demons of the Weep: Yep, they're crap demons! all they do is cry all the time, you decide to attack them with your sword! Seas of Bloop: Can everyone please stop making mistakes? Stealer of Asouls: I won't elaborate on this one but I think you get the idea! Scorpion Stamp: Your local Post Office presents this lovely gift set of Scorpion Stamps! only YOU have to make your way through Scorpion Swamp to get there! Typical eh?
All your bases are belong to us! |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:44:06 GMT
From TUFFF... The Warlock of Tiretop Mountain
YOUR next-door neighbour is a hoarder with a mountain of used tires in his backyard that he refuses to dispose of. Can you convince the council to intervene or will you have to sneak onto their property and set fire to the pile? Pity of Thieves
YOU are the *worst* thief in town and are, once again, banged up in the local gaol. Can you use your puppy-dog eyes to get the judge to let you off with a warning, or will you end up swinging? Can you avoid an ASBO or will it all end in tears before bedtime? Caverns of the Snow *itch
Yes, well... (328) Despite your best efforts, you find yourself decaying in front of a computer screen. Your adventure ends here. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:45:12 GMT
From TUFFF... The Forest of Boom YOU discover local hooligans letting off fireworks in YOUR local park! Starchip Traveller
YOU are the captain of a spaceship tasked with transporting fish and chips across the Galaxy! "Your progress has been watched, foul creature of destruction!" |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:45:57 GMT
From TUFFF... Peas of Blood YOU cut your fingers opening a can of peas! Sagehunter
YOU are tasked with gathering herbs for a Holy Man! "Your progress has been watched, foul creature of destruction!" |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:47:14 GMT
From TUFFF... The Crowd of Kings
Multiple duplicates of King Salamon roam the streets of Salamonis, all claiming to be the genuine ruler of the city, forced out of his palace by an impostor. Can you identify the true King and ensure that he retains the throne? Caverns of the Snog Witch
She's said to be the best kisser in all Titan, and you're determined to get proof. This is one adventure where you do not want any garlic used. Rebel Plant
An infestation of Crab Grass threatens the whole of your garden. It's time to become a herbicidal maniac. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:48:23 GMT
From TUFFF... Storkslayer
That pesky bird has been hanging around the front door, trying to deliver a baby - a baby that isn't your wife's. Can YOU kill the beast before your wife finds out? Or will YOU try to bluff your way out of situation...? Purse of the Mummy
Years gone past, a grave-robber stole this fabled purse from the Mummy known as Aunt Hettie. Now it rests in YOUR hands, and the Mummy is on a warpath to regain her prized possession. Can YOU avoid the terrible fate of those who dare open the Purse of Doom? Used hankies and lipsticks aplenty fill its every nook, but maybe also a clue to survival? Taster of Chaos
The chef has turned to using dark powers in his recipes, and YOU must taste the food he makes. Will YOU become a mutated creature, or can YOU resist the powers of Chaos magic? A knife, a fork and two napkins are all YOU need to complete this adventure. Are YOU gourmet or gormless...? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:48:52 GMT
From TUFFF... I daren't summarise The Piddling Reaver... |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:51:36 GMT
From TUFFF... Taverns of the Snow Witch
YOU may never be sober again!
Everyone knows that Sharon the Snow Witch runs the best chain of pubs in all of Titan - but no one has ever visited all of them. Now to fulfill a drunken bet, you must travel to every last one, even The Count's Fang, which only serves fermented blood for alcoholic vampires!
This one bends the rules slightly, but it did actually appear as a misprint in a number of FF books!
Midnight Rouge
A chap's got to look his best!
So what if you're a guy obsessed with make-up? Surely every self-respecting warrior wants to look well turned out? But one night your favourite cosmetics supplier is raided! Can YOU track down the thieves before you run out of rouge and take on a nasty, washed-out appearance? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 12, 2013 14:53:03 GMT
From TUFFF... I daren't summarise The Piddling Reaver... Same here with Wangs of Fury All your bases are belong to us! |
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Post by paltogue on Oct 15, 2013 9:43:03 GMT
These still make me giggle. Changing two letters, we get:
'Wenlock of Firetop Mountain': As London 2012 recedes into the past, what is left for the official mascot to do? Take over an old Dwarf Mine and start hoarding treasure and being a badass to the neighbouring villages, that's what! But what about his companion, Mandeville? No one has heard anything about him since he was seen walking off into the Moonstone Hills, but the good people of Allansia fear the worst, and it's only a matter of time before his evil plans are hatched...
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Post by a moderator on Oct 15, 2013 12:27:46 GMT
Blond of the Zombies
On a family holiday to Hollywood, you discover that Neil Patrick Harris has been infected with Gingrich Yurr's serum. Can you prevent him from starting a fresh epidemic of the living dead, or will your loved ones wind up part of his new spin-off, 'How I Zombified Your Mother'?
Armies of Depth
Abdul the Butcher wants a rematch, but, inspired by tales he's heard of the events of 'Demons of the Deep' and 'Bloodbones', has decided that this time the challenge should be to see which of you can turn more drowned sailors into your undead minions on the way back to Tak.
Phantoms of Pear
Ishtra's latest plan to conquer Titan involves ghostly fruit.
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 16, 2013 13:39:12 GMT
Good to see new ones of these.  It's a shame the second page of the old ones wasn't recoverable. I can more or less remember my own: …and I recall kieran marvelling at the fact that green_zigzag had managed to come up with the plot of the Darkmoon series (see Mouse of Hell, above), which IL had written four books for, just by considering the daftest ideas he could think of. But there were several other good ones. Someone had 'Portas of Evil' in which Mary Portas tried to get trade going in mysterious mid-dungeon shops. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 16, 2013 13:41:17 GMT
New ones...
City Ox Thieves
It was a foolish enterprise to try to breed specialist cattle in Port Blacksand. One morning YOU wake up to find all your fatted oxen have been stolen by notorious cattle rustler Zanbar On-the-Bone. Can YOU secure their return?
Deathmoos
Sequel to City Ox Thieves in which you must battle the remainder of your oxen which have been mutated into tentacled monsters.
Sky Lard
"Pigs might fly." your mum always used to say - and now they do! Can YOU survive waves of airborne hogs pitching and spinning into you at trajectories that make no sense? Maybe this top hat will help...
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 18, 2013 23:05:15 GMT
Out of the Pie
YOU are a fool! What possessed YOU to cut into a gigantic pie prepared for a feast in honour of Baron Sukumvit?? There aren't just four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in here, there are orcs, frost giants, dragons, major & minor thassalosses, a cyclops, zombies, obsidian predators, manticores, griffins….
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:10:49 GMT
From TUFFF... This is just a silly idea for a variation on the Change One Letter thread. The idea is to see if you can come up with descriptions for titles which are similar, sound-wise, to actual titles. Maybe imagine if the authors had been given the titles first down a crackly phone-line by someone with a dodgy accent and had to come up with a plot to match. Why not summon your inner Tim Vine (or whatever demon you prefer) and take a shot? I think it might work best if the descriptions come first before the title. __________________ YOU are the Shogun's honourable champion... well are you? To be honest you still haven't quite finished your training and could do with a bit more practice, but if there's no one else around who's better qualified to try getting this Singing Death thing back you'll give it your best shot. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:12:13 GMT
From TUFFF Set in the strangely familiar world of Hachiman ...it's Sort-of the Samurai |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:13:05 GMT
From TUFFF I'm not manic anymore, things have gone back to normal for me for now, so I can't effectively think of something really screwed up. But be sure, I shall see you soon. The more beautiful and pure FF is – the more satisfying it is to corrupt it. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:13:48 GMT
From TUFFF You play a Federal Central (Vice) Investigator being sent to the Scottish Highlands to eliminate the criminal gangs that are creating circular plantations of purple flowers. |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:14:22 GMT
From TUFFF ......The Rings Of Heather? |
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:15:00 GMT
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Post by thealmightymudworm on Oct 24, 2013 16:16:02 GMT
From TUFFF Very good I hadn't really thought about whether these were mostly jokes or puzzles. I might post the answer immediately if it's impossible to work out, and leave it for a while otherwise. For example... _______ Sid James of the Carry On films has been dead for years. But now some inhuman (and inappropriate) sounds have been heard from his place of rest. Can YOU defeat his guardian Barbara Windsor and ensure he returns to sleep for evermore? (Caution: the answer is almost certainly 'no' - especially if he's hilariously disguised as someone else.) |
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It's a shame the second page of the old ones wasn't recoverable. I can more or less remember my own: