What do you think of this great thing?

[philsadler]

I have read your original post Mr.Monkeystoe but I only understood 74% of it and so I asked all 14 of my friends to help me but 93% told me to shut up. So I wrote an incredibly long post on this very group about some inane thing which 99% of the human race would never read and 87.4% of which would be bored out of their minds if they did and only 0.3% would care in the slightest and so...

>Snip 7 pages of meaningless nonsense because no one will ever read it<

Suffice to say your post reminds me of a dream I had where I was a giant tomato. I told all 14 of my friends about this dream and everything in it for 3.7 hours, but most of them died of boredom. In my 'Tomato Dream' I met you and someone else and you were both dressed as jellyfish (33.3333333334% of which are dangerous), obviously I myself as little more than a tomato had to run away as fast as my stalks would carry me.

<Snip another 8 pages of ridiculous detail<

I hope that you will read more than 17% of this post and will tell less than 80% of your friends.

[The Count]

Oct 23, 2021 0:18:13 GMT a moderator said:

Oct 22, 2021 21:40:35 GMT CharlesX said:

like something out of a JK work.
   

Rowling or Jamiroquai?

Or a certain deceased US President whose middle initial you neglected to include?

Or a tv and radio host who recreated Gail Porters infamous FHM cover during a tasteful shoot for charity.

[Monkeystoe]

Oct 22, 2021 19:02:16 GMT bloodbeasthandler said:

Oct 19, 2021 19:31:55 GMT Monkeystoe said:

Your posts were a bit forward and nasty.

However, I feel I must answer your questions, if only to discover my true nature.

Your responses were nowhere near even baseline human I'm afraid.
Have you ever seen attack-ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion or pursued a man barechested over a rooftop whilst covered in blood and howling like a wolf?

Oct 19, 2021 19:31:55 GMT Monkeystoe said:

In a coincidence bigger than the time I was playing "lost Valley of the dinosaurs" and "Moschops" started on the TV, the computer in "Alien" also drew the incredible "Death Zone" graphics in "The Five Doctors"

The coincidence is even greater than you suspected.

The Five Doctors is obviously Dr Who, episode 5 of 'The Time Monster' sees the Doctor reach Atlantis.
The boardgame 'Escape from Atlantis' (1986) was designed by someone called Julian Courtland-Smith.
You get one guess what other game he invented...

Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs.

That's right...

Mind fricken !BLOWN !

Your post was a bit forward and nasty.
However, there are many questions here, that I shall attempt to answer.

I have pursued many blood soaken werewolf type men myself over the years, but have never been one. Rooftops are a scary place, (unless you are one of the stars of the very realistic animation "Pigeon Street".

I Have never seen "Attack ships on fire" in the general locale you mentioned (And indeed all 13 of my friends agree that Orion's shoulder is a very barren and dull place.)

Many years ago, after an intense session in my Dice Lounge" with two of my very best and shiniest friends, we needed a break from all the shaking, rolling, grabbing and tugging and decided to step outside for a moment.

My very upscale neighbour Mr Taunhausen had a large and ornate Victorian gate. Due to a sudden heat mirage that day, the metal supports of the gate were magnified to such an extent that they looked more like beams, if you can believe it. You should because l could See them.

But I digress.

The coincidence you cite is indeed a strong and mysterious one. However, a large percentage of my friends disagree with your assertion that it would blow our minds.

In fact, when I told my friend's the "Unbeleiavble Board Game & Doctor Who" coincidence, it only blew one of my friends minds.

I have a feeling I shall never see him again.

[Monkeystoe]

Sorry, I also meant to s

Thank

[a moderator]

.drawrof t'nsi ti taht tnedifnoc ylriaf m'I tub ,ytsan si tsop siht ton ro rehtehw egduj ot eno eht ton m'I

[Monkeystoe]

Oct 23, 2021 9:31:38 GMT philsadler said:

I have read your original post Mr.Monkeystoe but I only understood 74% of it and so I asked all 14 of my friends to help me but 93% told me to shut up. So I wrote an incredibly long post on this very group about some inane thing which 99% of the human race would never read and 87.4% of which would be bored out of their minds if they did and only 0.3% would care in the slightest and so...

>Snip 7 pages of meaningless nonsense because no one will ever read it<

Suffice to say your post reminds me of a dream I had where I was a giant tomato. I told all 14 of my friends about this dream and everything in it for 3.7 hours, but most of them died of boredom. In my 'Tomato Dream' I met you and someone else and you were both dressed as jellyfish (33.3333333334% of which are dangerous), obviously I myself as little more than a tomato had to run away as fast as my stalks would carry me.

<Snip another 8 pages of ridiculous detail<

I hope that you will read more than 17% of this post and will tell less than 80% of your friends.

I found your post a bit forward and nasty.

However, there are many points worth replying to and as all 11 of my friends agree then I shall.

Incidentally, one of my friends has been shunned by the group, mainly for "Playing Solo" in the "Dice Lounge" but also because he was so rough with my specially hand written "Player's Manual", that I have had to replace it four times thanks to him. This is unreasonable as we have only played through "Treguard 's Diner" somewhere between 2000 & 2723 times.

It is unfortunate that you could only follow 74% of my posts as I feel my posts are well constructed and are vetted beforehand by all my friends for coherence before they return to a heavy dice rolling session.

You really should have stuck with your original post as if only 1% of humans will read it then that is still a very large number, probably more than all the possible totals on all the dice me and friends own.

I found your "Tomato Dream" fascinating and how despite never meeting me you dreamt me in a Jellyfish costume. I have dreamt about many of the members on this forum, usually you are all wearing very tight leather trousers a la Avon.

I have told my friends about these dreams numerous times, but they always quickly excuse themselves and head for the "Dice Lounge" for some reason, bolting the lock behind them. ( In retrospect there is a 92.76% chance that fitting a lock on the door was a bad idea. I find myself standing alone IN MY OWN Hallway far too often while I can hear the noisy fun and frolics of my friends from behind the door. Sometimes the noise is so loud that my Uncle Quentin and Aunt Fanny shout down from upstairs telling us all to keep it down.

Incidentally, this reminds me of the MASSIVE coincidence that the boy with the Gammy leg from the "Three Investigators" novel borrowed his glasses from Gregory Peck just after he finished filming "To kill a Mockingbird" - this, of course explains why his glasses were different/absent in his very next film "The Omen"

Thank you again for your t

Tha

[philsadler]

I'm not sure where to post this so I'll post it here for no reason at all. I'm interested in your opinion of a dream I had last night.

The dream lasted for 29 minutes but felt like 31. In this dream I had to have a boxing match with the Swedish actress Noomi Rapase. I don't know why I had to fight her, why I was fighting a woman or why I was a boxer, but I was. My coach was 2 George Foremans. I don't know if there really were two of him or if one was his twin brother also called George, but there you go.

I started the fight well and jabbed Noomi from the outside using my height and reach advantage and this seemed to frustrate her, so much so that she turned into Danny Devito! This meant that I had an even greater advantage until Danny turned into two Dannys and one stood on the other's shoulders until they were 9.5ft tall! Just as tall as the vampire woman from Resident Evil 8.

Anyway, I didn't want to fight anymore and the Georges agreed with me and started to attack me! I defended my self with a small tomato and both the Forman Twins/Brothers/Clones ran away.

>Snip 3 pages of statistics about my friends and dreams and other stream-of consciousness things no one will ever read<

93.3% of this dream was scary for 77.1% of the time. After the dream I bought...

>Snip ridiculous shopping list<

... and 43% of my friends disagreed with me backing out of the fight with the Devito Twins and for even fighting a woman in the first place.

>Snip something else which makes no sense<

[CharlesX]

Nov 1, 2021 14:59:27 GMT philsadler said:

I'm not sure where to post this so I'll post it here for no reason at all. I'm interested in your opinion of a dream I had last night.

The dream lasted for 29 minutes but felt like 31. In this dream I had to have a boxing match with the Swedish actress Noomi Rapase. I don't know why I had to fight her, why I was fighting a woman or why I was a boxer, but I was. My coach was 2 George Foremans. I don't know if there really were two of him or if one was his twin brother also called George, but there you go.

I started the fight well and jabbed Noomi from the outside using my height and reach advantage and this seemed to frustrate her, so much so that she turned into Danny Devito! This meant that I had an even greater advantage until Danny turned into two Dannys and one stood on the other's shoulders until they were 9.5ft tall! Just as tall as the vampire woman from Resident Evil 8.

Anyway, I didn't want to fight anymore and the Georges agreed with me and started to attack me! I defended my self with a small tomato and both the Forman Twins/Brothers/Clones ran away.

>Snip 3 pages of statistics about my friends and dreams and other stream-of consciousness things no one will ever read<

93.3% of this dream was scary for 77.1% of the time. After the dream I bought...

>Snip ridiculous shopping list<

... and 43% of my friends disagreed with me backing out of the fight with the Devito Twins and for even fighting a woman in the first place.

>Snip something else which makes no sense<

This is a touch post-truth (you might say, forward and nasty  ). It's blatantly in response to Jimisbest's recent post with his AFF question; I haven't known Monkeystoe to post in the wrong section, for example.

[Monkeystoe]

The last two posts have been very good, and I shall attempt some answers (I asked all 9 of my friends to help)

To be honest, I only ever post here as I have a 100% true fear of moderators.

The power they yield and the sheer awesomeness of their green Spines fills my nappy.

However, it does not do to Mock Melkur so I shall cease.

I asked my friends if George Foreman could be two people and they raised their fists and threatened to retire to the "Dice Lounge" so take that whichever way you like.

Danny Devito is 4ft 10, so two of him would equal a height of 8foot 20

So that is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

more wrong than the time I dreamt about "Zippy" in the "Rainbow house" and he not only had two hands but was also wearing tight leather trousers.

Incidentally, there was coinicidence

Than.

[bloodbeasthandler]

Nov 1, 2021 18:57:49 GMT Monkeystoe said:

more wrong than the time I dreamt about "Zippy" in the "Rainbow house" and he not only had two hands but was also wearing tight leather trousers.

I think they always had two hands, just the other one was always 'under the table'. And I've got a fair idea of what they were doing.
I base my conclusions on the following episode: 

[CharlesX]

Nov 1, 2021 19:11:21 GMT bloodbeasthandler said:

Nov 1, 2021 18:57:49 GMT Monkeystoe said:

more wrong than the time I dreamt about "Zippy" in the "Rainbow house" and he not only had two hands but was also wearing tight leather trousers.

I think they always had two hands, just the other one was always 'under the table'. And I've got a fair idea of what they were doing.
I base my conclusions on the following episode: 

Is that the infamous episode where they spout innuendo the whole episode? Some things age really poorly; particularly if they aren't funny at the time.

[Monkeystoe]

Oct 23, 2021 16:34:05 GMT a moderator said:

.drawrof t'nsi ti taht tnedifnoc ylriaf m'I tub ,ytsan si tsop siht ton ro rehtehw egduj ot eno eht ton m'I

I sincerely apologise for missing this post. It was neither forward or nasty and it was unintentional I swear.

I feel sure there is a code to be cracked here. I tried using the "Creature of Havoc" code but it doesn't work.

I rang my special "Friend gathering bell" which is positioned in my porch and all 9 of my friends reluctantly crawled out from the "Dice Lounge" where they were, once again having lots of fun without me.

As they stood in front of me, bleary eyed, glistening with sweat and with tired looking grins on their faces I showed them your code and they immediately understood the problem.

Unbelievably 54% of them thought that rolling dice would be a waste of time

HOW WRONG THEY WERE.

I retired quickly to the "Dice lounge" for a quick solo session.

I made it a quick one as I found the environment rather disgusting.

T However, I am pleased to inform you that I have CRACKED THE CODE"

I found it cheeky that you were writing in "Old High Gallifryian" but the post when translated reads as fillows

"Cheese, Cheese and mice with hairy knees"

Again, I am so sorry for ignoring your post and the important information therein,.

In a coincidence greater than the time I was walking past "Woolworths" and a man came out carrying a "John Menzies" bag - the famous "Cheese Shop" sketch in Monty Python was actually first performed in a small cave 400 miles away, and actually 400 years before cheese was invented.

I thank you all ve

Th

[CharlesX]

Monkeystoe: I have dreamt about many of the members of this forum, usually you are wearing very tight leather trousers a la Avon.

I try hard not to think about this  .

[philsadler]

I don't believe it but I've just had another dream, except this was an FF dream! No, it was an AFF dream. In this sleepy-time I dreamed that I was in Castle Boredom and that I was a High Elf with several Baronies and 97,000,871 gold pieces (approx). Come to think of it I also had 17,001 silver pieces and 4 copper coins. Anyway, there I was in Castle Tedium when I opened my backpack (it was the only thing I had because I was naked), I saw that I had the following:

3 daggers (1 silver, 1 gold and one plastic)
4 porkpies (1 half-eaten)
1 ridiculous specific spell about killing green things on a Tuesday if their name starts with 'R'
1 very big sword
1 slightly big 'sharpy' sword
A signed photo of the Swedish actress Noomi Rapace
A green-haired wig
A live pig
A book of ludicrous dreams
A y-shaped stick
A dice
Another dice

Obviously, I had enough to take on the dreaded Castle Dull. So, I walked forwards with my feet 10 yards and then fell down a hole and landed on my face. I rolled a 6 on my die so I was safe, but 77% of my friend said that I should have exploded. I used another die and it said to ignore 96% of that friend's advice.

On I went into Castle Silly and met my first enemy: a monster with buttocks where its face should be! I rolled a 3, he rolled a 2, I rolled a million, he rolled a zero and died of boredom. There is a 102% chance that this was all in my head.

Later on I met the master of Castle Shut Up and found him to be a Giant Carrot with a Mouse on His Mustache! I quickly related to him some insane thing and he fell out the window.

After this I woke up and found myself sleeping on the bottom of the swimming pool.

[vastariner]

Nov 1, 2021 19:37:28 GMT CharlesX said:

Is that the infamous episode where they spout innuendo the whole episode? Some things age really poorly; particularly if they aren't funny at the time.

That wasn't an episode. It was a gag reel for a Christmas party.

[Monkeystoe]

Okay, I have stumbled on a big problem.

I feel after me and my 8 friends having played through "Treguard s Diner" 702 times that it is time to add 3 different problems to the scenario and I need advice as to which is the most sensible (2 I thought up 72 seconds ago and one I dreamt about last night.)

1) Should the nappy have a bigger stain (1d6 and skill)

2) my friend has become a "Furry" - should this be incorpated* into the game.

7) a very long stick

72) does chewing gum stick to your intestine?

Important, and I need advice before continuing.

Incidentally, the time I followed a man into "Finefare" and I realised he was wearing the same colour of "Farah Slacks" as a contestant on "Bullseye" I said

Than

*a word I made.

[CharlesX]

Nov 3, 2021 19:42:36 GMT Monkeystoe said:

Okay, I have stumbled on a big problem.

I feel after me and my 8 friends having played through "Treguard s Diner" 702 times that it is time to add 3 different problems to the scenario and I need advice as to which is the most sensible (2 I thought up 72 seconds ago and one I dreamt about last night.)

1) Should the nappy have a bigger stain (1d6 and skill)

2) my friend has become a "Furry" - should this be incorpated* into the game.

7) a very long stick

72) does chewing gum stick to your intestine?

Important, and I need advice before continuing.

Incidentally, the time I followed a man into "Finefare" and I realised he was wearing the same colour of "Farah Slacks" as a contestant on "Bullseye" I said

Than

*a word I made.

This reads more like one of philsadler's parody posts than an actual Monkeystoe\Jimisbest post.

[stevendoig]

Agreed.

Let this be a lesson to all unregistered users.

[schlendrian]

I was under the impression that monkeystoe's posts were parodies as well all the time

[Monkeystoe]

Your post was a bit forward and nasty.

I asked all 7 of my friends if I was "a parody"

To be honest, 90% of them thought I meant "a parable" which isn't a thing I know but I do talk in them all the time as you are all well aware by now my fishers of men.

I MUST APOLOGISE HOWEVER, for the last post under my name. Foolishly my third best friend had the responsibility for posting it as I was at my cousins dogs 17th birthday party that night and because she was in Milton Keynes she was lucky enough to get a WiFi signal. However, she clearly couldn't read the quick draft I handed her and wrote a lot of nonsense instead.

She tried to blame it on the light in the "Dice Lounge" but that is nonsense because I had visitation rights there just a few hours prior and it was so bright that YOU COULD SEE EVERYTHING. which wasn't very nice.

In a coincidence larger than the time I was admiring a large furry costumed freak and realised I had stumbled into "Rainfurrest 2015", the last paragraph in "Masks of Mayhem" was cribbed DIRECTLY from the middle of "War and Peace"

Thanks for you
You
Th

[philsadler]

I have 943 questions about this thread (but I'll only post about 1% of them in case the reader dies of boredom):

1.) If I have an FF/AFF dream and someone throws a tomato at me, what should I do?
2.) If I post an incredibly long thread which no one will read, did I really post it at all?
3.) What would happen if I had an entire night without dreaming about FF?
4.) I couldn't think of a question for this one.
5.) Or this one.
6.) I had a question for this one but I lost it.
7.) What is the square-route of a panda?
8.) What percentage of my friend (I, Phil Sadler, only have one friend and he is imaginary) should I tell/ask some ridiculous thing about?
9.) How many dice should I roll if I want to calculate the 'pie' of infinity?
10.)

(The 10th question is actually there but is written in a very small font that requires a zoom of 300%.)

Bonus question: which of the following is the odd one out (a) A badger (b) A bear (c) A stoat (d) A fire engine

Thank you for taking the time to ignore most of my questions.

Super secret bonus question: rhubarb, penguin, wallpaper, alien, Nautius Maximus, rugby, 7/4%, friend, dice, dream? 

[a moderator]

1) Do not waste your Shielding spell. Especially if you don't have one.
2) Regrettably, yes you did.
3) If you had a dream, but it was not about FF, retcon it to be FF-related. Reality and FF have enough things in common (e.g. snakes, cheese, dogs, eagles, cars, newspapers, students, protestors, snails, pineapples, AAA batteries) that you should be able to make some connection. If you didn't dream, lose 3 STAMINA points.
4) If you had had a question here, the answer would be 'Gnocchi'.
5) And this one would be 'Australopithecene, but check with your local quantity surveyor first'.
6) Your question has been handed in at the lost property office of the Milton Keynes National Express coach stop. Don't forget to bring I.D. when calling round to claim it back.
7) Trafalgar, Berkeley, Tiananmen, Times, Leicester.
8) 55,378,009%. Slightly more if it's Bastille Day.
9) Most of them. But not that one. That one rolls too many fours.
10)
(The 10th answer is actually there, but is written in an obscure Webdings variant that does not show up at this latitude).

Bonus question: e) Wrench

Super secret bonus question: 

SPOILER: Click to show

[tyrion]

I think the square route of a panda is to go forward for 2m, left for 2m, left again for 2m and left again for 2m.

[CharlesX]

Am I being dumb because I don't get\ can't access the super secret bonus question. I thought you couldn't post spoilers wi no text.

SPOILER: Click to show

Did philsadler write a spoiler, then delete the words within?

[daredevil123]

Can this thread get any weirder?

(Jisv sp fcte jtipr pbbblyac bn.)

[a moderator]

Nov 8, 2021 14:16:36 GMT CharlesX said:

Am I being dumb because I don't get\ can't access the super secret bonus question. I thought you couldn't post spoilers wi no text.

SPOILER: Click to show

Did philsadler write a spoiler, then delete the words within?

i) I am not, nor have I ever been, philsadler.
b) As scientists studying dark matter may tell you, even nothing can be something if it's the right kind of nothing.
3) 

SPOILER: Click to show

This bullet point void where invalid.

Nov 8, 2021 14:23:22 GMT daredevil123 said:

Can this thread get any weirder?

Let us consult the Moai Pianist for his view on the matter:

"F Sharp: the heart of the badger shall pierce the fang of haplography."

Beware the chives of marzipan.

[philsadler]

The other day I was wallpapering my panda when I accidentally crashed the car I wasn't driving. Quick as a sloth, I leaped out of the floor and started to attack the banana which didn't cause the crash. Within moments the 'comedy' duo Little and Ball turned up and congratulated me for being pregnant. I was quick to point out that I wasn't even married to myself and had certainly never been on a date with anyone at all apart from Jennifer Laurence (who tried to take me out into the desert and shoot me).

As if this weren't enough, I suddenly exploded and showered everyone around me with soap and water. Not surprisingly, the police turned up and arrested themselves and then promptly burst into flames whilst not singing 'Singing in the Fog' by Bing Hendrex.

I couldn't believe all of this had happened when there was only a 93% chance that it wouldn't, a 72.1% chance that it was a dream and a 4% chance that I would tell my imaginary friend which I don't have. So, quick as a slug I rolled a die and scored a '0' and then slapped myself in the face, sold my panda to the Albanian President and then filed for divorce even though I wasn't married.

And then I woke up!

[CharlesX]

Nov 8, 2021 15:42:27 GMT a moderator said:

Nov 8, 2021 14:16:36 GMT CharlesX said:

Am I being dumb because I don't get\ can't access the super secret bonus question. I thought you couldn't post spoilers wi no text.

SPOILER: Click to show

Did philsadler write a spoiler, then delete the words within?

i) I am not, nor have I ever been, philsadler.
b) As scientists studying dark matter may tell you, even nothing can be something if it's the right kind of nothing.
3) 

SPOILER: Click to show

This bullet point void where invalid.

Nov 8, 2021 14:23:22 GMT daredevil123 said:

Can this thread get any weirder?

Let us consult the Moai Pianist for his view on the matter:

"F Sharp: the heart of the badger shall pierce the fang of haplography."

Beware the chives of marzipan.

Greenspine, please do you accept my apology for referring to you as philsadler 🙏😇

[CharlesX]

Nov 8, 2021 15:57:33 GMT philsadler said:

The other day I was wallpapering my panda when I accidentally crashed the car I wasn't driving. Quick as a sloth, I leaped out of the floor and started to attack the banana which didn't cause the crash. Within moments the 'comedy' duo Little and Ball turned up and congratulated me for being pregnant. I was quick to point out that I wasn't even married to myself and had certainly never been on a date with anyone at all apart from Jennifer Laurence (who tried to take me out into the desert and shoot me).

As if this weren't enough, I suddenly exploded and showered everyone around me with soap and water. Not surprisingly, the police turned up and arrested themselves and then promptly burst into flames whilst not singing 'Singing in the Fog' by Bing Hendrex.

I couldn't believe all of this had happened when there was only a 93% chance that it wouldn't, a 72.1% chance that it was a dream and a 4% chance that I would tell my imaginary friend which I don't have. So, quick as a slug I rolled a die and scored a '0' and then slapped myself in the face, sold my panda to the Albanian President and then filed for divorce even though I wasn't married.

And then I woke up!

My main takeaway from this post was the bit where the author was dreaming about dating Jennifer Lawrence\Laurence. The rest wasn't a patch on that bit.

[Monkeystoe]

Your many posts were ALL a bit forward and nasty.

This is a shame because my day has not been so great.

I was playing "Toe off" with all 6 of my friends.

As I whipped out my beloved and notorious "Monkey's toe", instead of the usual exclamations of shock, awe and wonder I was instead met with utter derision and laughter.

Calls of "you semi evolved primate!" & "Monkeys are crap" were bad enough, but then one of my friends showed me his "Neanderthal Toe" which I can't deny was very impressive and quite imposing.

Humiliated, I withdrew to the "Dice Lounge" and lay on the small mattress ensconced within. Tossing restlessly, I remained there until I was sure they had gone.

However, when I opened the door, I saw they were carrying the newly amazing friend with the Homo Neanderthal toe aloft with cries of "all hail the onion!" and other utterances.

So I suppose after a day like that, I need to ask you all if you really think spending extra time in the ballpit was really worth the money considering your favourite podcasters never turned up?

Th
Thak